i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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