he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
