then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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