okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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