you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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