About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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