He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
