Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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