My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
