I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
