I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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