There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
