: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
