i was born a porn star she said
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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