We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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