I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
its liver damage thursday
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
