how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
