Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My feet surprised me
Randomize
