I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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