Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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