all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
