My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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