ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
