well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
this hospital has no fireball
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
