I must be too annoying 4 u.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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