I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
