great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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