sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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