Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
