what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
