Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
