Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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