pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
