after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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