just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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