I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
