If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
