apparently the secret to your success is patron
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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