Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
