i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
