Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
