3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
