Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
