i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
