Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
