What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
