I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
