If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
