You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
