I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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