seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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