Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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