You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
